It’s hard to kick goals with your feet in your mouth – the top 5 questions you can’t ask at work… that everyone does

Sometimes being a Human Resources (HR) professional is at odds with genuinely innocent human curiosity, as you’re about to find out with the top 5 questions you can’t ask in a workplace… that everyone does.

1.     How old are you?

It’s not an un-reasonable question!?! Knowing someone’s age can help you identify common acquaintances, what system of education they studied under and general life experience. When asked with sensitivity in a social setting, ‘how old are you’ can help get a conversation off the ground and speed up the journey to finding a mutual bond.

But in a professional setting… asking someone their age is the first step towards discrimination – particularly in a job interview. The Human Rights Act 1993 clearly states it is illegal to advantage or disadvantage anyone based on age in employment matters, with the exception of cases where there is a genuine legislative occupational requirement (i.e. a 16 year old applies to become a bartender).

2.     Are you married?

When you’re getting to know someone, this is valuable information – it suggests how an individual spends their spare time and can lead into questions about lifestyle, hobbies and interests or weekend activities. If they’re married; they might have cute stories about first dates? and or details about the love of their life. If they’re not; they might have hilarious stories about dating? or tales from the single world. Either way, in a social setting, this is the nitty-gritty, the gossip, the good stuff!

But in a professional setting; Harassment, privacy, stereo-typing, bias… the question is a locked and loaded booby trap! From a senior male employer to a junior female employee this has the potential to come across as too intrusive, regardless of how it was intended. From a junior male employee to a mature female administrator… it could very well come across as an insult!

3.     Do you have kids? Planning on it soon?

Even in a social setting this is a question to be asked delicately (or not at all), as for many people it can be a sensitive topic. Unfortunately for some, this can be a lesson learned the hard way; in the same vein as asking a woman when the baby is due… only to discover she isn’t pregnant. For many couples the road to children is not easy and for some individuals the lack of a family is not deliberate so: tact, empathy and care must be employed. However, once someone has volunteered that they have children you have likely found their most passionate talking point and conversation can flow like wine.

But in a professional setting… Hypothetically, a manager asks an employee if they have kids, and within the same month (for a completely unrelated reason) overlooks them for promotion. If the employee had children, the manager might be accused of assuming the employee is less available for overtime. If the employee had no children, the manager might be accused of assuming the employee is less stable and less settled in their life i.e. higher risk of departure. If you don’t ask the question, you can’t be accused of any bias…

4.     That’s an interesting accent, where are you from?

How couldn’t you ask!?! Discovering that your new exotic tanned friend hails from Mauritius is going to be key in learning who they are! What is Mauritius? Where is Mauritius? What is the population? What is the weather like? WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING IN GORE?? in a social setting, ‘where are you from’ is dynamite.

But in a professional setting… where are you from is dynamite (like Kaboom). Even if the intention was innocent, the question may have harmful implications for the person you are probing, raising feelings of discrimination, isolation or harassment – not to mention intrusion of privacy and cultural insensitivity. In the context of a new employee, they may already be feeling like an outsider and self-conscious about their differences… in which case putting the spotlight on those differences could inadvertently incite an amplified response.

5.     He, she or they them?

Tread carefully… Transphobia could be this generation’s racism and in a social setting the topic has the potential to divide a group. The world is changing. So long as opinions are reasonable and practical, not anchored in hate or fear, people should stand beside their beliefs.

But in a professional setting… there are a few practical examples where an employer needs to know the gender of their employees and The Human Rights Act does make exemptions, when gender is essential. Examples might include a personal care role like a caregiver in a women’s refuge or aged care facility, or a supervisory role in an a single sex accommodation facility like a ‘house parent’ in a girls’ hostel.

A trainer in a women’s gym is a situation that has been tested under case law in New Zealand. It was found that an employee in a women-only facility with access to intimate spaces where there could be concerns for privacy and comfort, it was acceptable for that role to be female only. Male applicants who were excluded could not argue grounds for discrimination.

Gender identification is helpful information for employers when applied to payroll and tax records, statistical reporting (gender pay gaps etc) and H&S requirements like restroom facilities or appropriate PPE. But there is a risk to outright asking the question if it can be argued that it simply isn’t relevant to the specific role. It seems to be growing into an increasingly relevant topic for employers and the current best practice approach would be to introduce your own pronouns first before giving your employee the opportunity to volunteer theirs:

“Hi, Im _____ and my pronouns are He/Him. Feel free to share yours if you would like?”

I know what you’re thinking…. But I want to ask those questions? How else am I supposed to get to know someone? And I need to know!

In reality, our New Zealand workforce isn’t the minefield detailed above, and typically personal conversations only become a problem – once they’ve become a problem.

The person asking the question might have innocent intentions but if the person being asked finds themselves offend, the law may be on their side. Privacy, discrimination and/or harassment possibilities will likely arise by asking.

So what is the bottom line? Ask broad questions and generally accept the information that is willingly volunteered. Use your own good judgement to balance the question with the situation and the setting, and apply discretion!

For further information regarding the matters covered in this article, call the SBS Team - Freephone 0508 424 723.