Confessions of an HR Consultant

In conversations with clients regarding employment relations matters, our team is often asked about amusing employee-related stories (“great work stories” if you will) that we’ve come across in workplaces around New Zealand.

Some of our favourites include:

• We had an applicant bring his dog to a job interview because he couldn’t find anybody to “babysit” the dog.

• In a medical incapacity meeting with a client’s employee, he produced an Accident Compensation Corporation (ACC) Medical Certificate confirming the reason for his injuries was as a result of “sexual activities” and the Certificate went on to describe said activities in far too much detail.
• A wife coaching and prompting her husband during his on-line interview from behind the computer screen.  At the end of the interview before he disconnected the videocall, the wife was heard to say “You did well and I would hire you!”
• In another large corporate, an employee had been sharing pornography via email with colleagues which (obviously) was against company policy.  The Manager of the employee ‘sharing’ would not show me the multitude of pictures in question (for the purposes of the disciplinary process) because he didn’t want me to be too “shocked” at the imagery because I was a female and it was “too much of a delicate situation”!  I had to explain to the Manager that having served many years managing employees and their quirky behaviours, it was unlikely I would be shocked and without viewing the pictures, I was unable to complete the disciplinary process.
• An employee in a large manufacturing business was known for pulling pranks around the workplace, but he took it too far when he presented his colleagues with a platter of home baked raspberry-iced biscuits decorated with chocolate hail for morning tea.  His team hungrily dived into the biscuits with several of them ditching their bikkies, commenting he wasn’t a great baker.  Meanwhile two of his colleagues ate their biscuits in their entirety.  These two colleagues spent the afternoon in the bathroom because it turned out the employee had iced, decorated and served Tux dog biscuits for morning tea!
• We had an applicant accept a role from the company I was employed by at the time, on a Friday. He called me on Monday and said that he could not accept the position any longer because he had a “vision” over the weekend that he was supposed to accept another role he had applied for.  When that “envisioned” job was not offered to him, he called me two weeks later to see if I would still be interested in hiring him.
• I was sitting with a CEO-client at that company’s conference room table where the windows overlooked the company carpark. While discussing some serious operational issues, we watched one of the company’s female employees go outside to a curtain-sider truck. She got into the passenger seat and she and the driver ‘became very amorous’ to the extent that she became partially undressed. They then proceeded to climb into the back of the truck where it was very evident the truck was jolting with body parts punching against the curtain-sider. The CEO became annoyed because the employee had taken a significant extension to her 10 minute break and was less concerned at the company truck being used as a ‘meeting place’!
• I had an applicant for a role with the company I was working for at the time, fall asleep right in the middle of the interview.
• On the theme of sleep – a client’s employee was taking 1-2 hour lunches for a period of two weeks and the Manager didn’t know where the employee was.  On further investigation, the employee was found in the carpark asleep in their car.  The employee didn't see a problem with this as they considered they were still on company grounds.
• An employer was blindsided by an employee who claimed to be working from home. In reality, they’d been travelling around New Zealand as a tourist for weeks, dialing into virtual team meetings with a blurred background.
• Finally in an entertaining wrap, we assisted a client whose employee regularly disappeared to the toilet for 20-25 minutes every day at 10am.  It turns out he didn’t have bowel issues – on further investigation, it was discovered he was doing private drug deals over the phone from the employer’s toilet cubicle.

While these stories may seem crazy, they remind us that the workplace can be an amusing and unpredictable place. We cannot express strongly enough that employers should have robust employment agreements and company policies in place to deal with such (amusing and concerning) issues lawfully and in good faith.

For assistance in recruitment, engaging or managing employees in your workplace - or should you be seeking other HR or Health & Safety advice, get in touch with a member of the SBS Team.  Freephone 0508 424 723 or visit www.safebusiness.co.nz